I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
tell your sister to shave her snatch
honey bunches of taint.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
So squirting runs in the family.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
