So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
