my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
