i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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