This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize