he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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