fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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