Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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