some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just want to make out with him forever
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
