i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
