Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
