dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
