Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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