Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
