Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Randomize
