I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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