He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize