I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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