i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
