They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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