i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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