I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
