I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
