My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
