yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
