You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I just gargled with NyQuil
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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