i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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