Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
