My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
