is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
