Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I skipped work to stalk him.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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