I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
How naked do you want me to be?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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