He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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