he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
