Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
