i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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