I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
