Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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