thus making me awesome and them whores
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
