i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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