happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
