I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
