ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
