have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
