u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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