If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
love makes seman taste better
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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