under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
