theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
