Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
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my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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