he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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