the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
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I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
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I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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