You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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