I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
