May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
