Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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