:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
