I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
