omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
