Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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