Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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