I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
