I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
