he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
