Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
