Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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