did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
