TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
