Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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