He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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