Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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