i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
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