Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
