Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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